Who am I pleasing?

Have you ever struggled with people pleasing?  Do you wonder why you do the things you do when you really want to do make different choices?  Have you felt out of control?

I've learned a lot about codependency and people pleasing over the past few years.  It has been quite the journey to unravel my own motivations, hurts, hangups and habits.  We can see ourselves, especially as Christians as motivated to server others when in fact the core reason we do things for others is for their approval.  

Divorce is one of life's biggest rejections and drove me to my knees in search of 'who am I living for', the love of a man, my children, family, friends, team mates, business leaders, clients or myself.  There is real danger in the swinging the pendulum so far after being rejected, to living for oneself.  My quest has been to learn healthy self care while remaining focused upon fulfilling the purpose for which I was created. 

‘Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as being from ourselves, but our sufficiency is from God’ (2 Corinthians 3:5 NKJV

Through programs like Celebrate Recovery, Divorce Care and great Bible teaching I have come to the point in my life where I've chosen to sell out to the one and only God that so loved me that he sent his own son into the world so that I may have eternal life.  My faith has been an integral part of my life since the age of 13.  However I can tell you that it has taken my to the age of 50 to completely surrender.  It took the Israelites 40 years to make the 11 day journey out of the wilderness and it took me 37!

I cannot begin to express the freedom that I feel in knowing who I am in Christ.  The joy of the Lord is my strength.  I choose to live each day living out His will for my life, slowly discovering how He speaks and directs my steps.  Spending time in God's word, listening to great messages from Bible teachers and submitting to accountability within the local church and a support team keeps my life moving in the right direction.

To understand the difference between submission and selfishness you must ponder these words: ‘So they come to you as people do, they sit before you as My people, and they hear your words, but they do not do them; for with their mouth they show much love, but their hearts pursue their own gain’ (Ezekiel 33:31 NKJV)

My life's goal is to hear the words "Well done good and faithful servant" which can only happen when I live to please God first and foremost, by the example Jesus set. "and the Holy Spirit descended on him in bodily form, like a dove; and a voice came from heaven, "You are my beloved Son; with you I am well pleased." Luke 3:22  

I am a grateful follower of Jesus Christ.

2013...the end of an era and the beginning of the next chapter

This is the year I put into practice all the wonderful knowledge my dear God has bestowed upon me. I've often thought (as Joyce Meyer puts it) that "we are equipped beyond our level of obedience". This has been true in my life.

As I look at the bookshelves full of wonderful materials, the google reader full of subscriptions to great blogs and the volumes of audios CDs I own....the question is does my life reflect these great concepts.  As I've entered a new relationship this past year I've become acutely aware of something my children taught me.  "Not everything is a lesson opportunity Mom" is something I heard them say regularly.

Through the amazing people and programs God has brought into my life I've come to know myself well.  I know the good, the bad and the ugly!  One of my gifts is teaching so each new lesson I learn I want to share with those I love. One of the best revelations for me in 2012 was that I can intercede through prayer for those people instead.  This is a vital part of caring for people.  I believe that when the 'student is ready, the teacher will appear' so rather than always sharing my new insights with people, not knowing if they are ready to hear, I'll equip myself and have the answers ready when they do ask.  Spreading seeds of hope via blogging and social media is a great way to expel these new thoughts as I own them.

I also know who's I am.  I was on a quest in 2012 to understand what a surrendered life looked like.  I found this to be one of the most difficult of all questions to answer.  How do we practically live out our faith in a world that is bent on self actualization?

Woe to those who go to great depths

    to hide their plans from the Lord,

who do their work in darkness and think,

    “Who sees us? Who will know?”

¹⁶ 

You turn things upside down,

    as if the potter were thought to be like the clay!

Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it,

    “You did not make me”?

Can the pot say to the potter,

    “You know nothing”? Isaiah 29:15-16

I have voluntarily put myself back on the Potter's wheel daily last year to try to understand how to incorporate God in every area of my life.  I know the messes I can make when I'm leading and truly want to become all that He intended me to be because His plan is so much better than anything I could come up with!

I started reading My Utmost for His Highest Devotional last year and enjoyed the challenges it presented.  Today's message sums it up best for me:

1. My Utmost for His Highest. “. . . my earnest expectation and hope that in nothing I shall be ashamed . . . .” We will all feel very much ashamed if we do not yield to Jesus the areas of our lives He has asked us to yield to Him. It’s as if Paul were saying, “My determined purpose is to be my utmost for His highest— my best for His glory.” To reach that level of determination is a matter of the will, not of debate or of reasoning. It is absolute and irrevocable surrender of the will at that point. An undue amount of thought and consideration for ourselves is what keeps us from making that decision, although we cover it up with the pretense that it is others we are considering. When we think seriously about what it will cost others if we obey the call of Jesus, we tell God He doesn’t know what our obedience will mean. Keep to the point— He does know. Shut out every other thought and keep yourself before God in this one thing only— my utmost for His highest. I am determined to be absolutely and entirely for Him and Him alone.
2. My Unstoppable Determination for His Holiness. “Whether it means life or death-it makes no difference!” (see Philippians 1:21). Paul was determined that nothing would stop him from doing exactly what God wanted. But before we choose to follow God’s will, a crisis must develop in our lives. This happens because we tend to be unresponsive to God’s gentler nudges. He brings us to the place where He asks us to be our utmost for Him and we begin to debate. He then providentially produces a crisis where we have to decide— for or against. That moment becomes a great crossroads in our lives. If a crisis has come to you on any front, surrender your will to Jesus absolutely and irrevocably.

The crisis is over, a 10 year journey of separation, divorce, going back to work full time from consulting part-time, multiple moves including major scaling down, launching a new business, raising 5 teenagers and encouraging them to pursue God's will for their lives, welcoming three new son-in-laws and a grand baby into the family!  I'm exhausted just writing that list :-)!

Most of all God has been faithfully providing for and guiding me and my family each step of the way.  I am so extremely excited about this new year as I walk out the knowledge God has given me and allow Him to develop the discipline I need to carry my responsibilities to fruition.  Prayerfully, I will intercede for those I love and ask for the wisdom necessary to lead where He places me.

This is your life...

Have you ever had a 24 hour period of your life that helped you to put things into perspective?

I had a great couple over for dinner on Saturday night and they were telling me about a story about two young men that intersected their lives recently.  Two young men that were choosing to start over in a humble way and take full responsibility for their lives.  We then had a discussion about a home business idea and how its success could impact their lives.

I went to bed with a smile on my face knowing that these two people had found each other and were sharing a journey that was filled with God's purpose.

I am a member of Grace Fellowship - Don Mills and so Sunday I awoke and prepared to hear what God was going to share with this church family.  Our Pastor spoke about how we read and apply the Bible.  What struck me was walking out our belief and being able to ask God about His promises.  I have a huge promise in my heart that I had prayed about that morning. and here was God via Julian saying go ahead and ask, but don't just ask believe My answer and live accordingly.

Next I met with a couple I hadn't seen in over 10 years and they were as gracious and kind as I had remembered.  They extended a warm welcome and said where would you like to go?  They would like to work with me to achieve my goals and dreams.  They reminded me that motivation is comprised of motive to take action.  What is my motive and what do I want to achieve?  Great questions.

I had a hour drive to my next appointment and pondered their questions.  The next couple I met are the wonderful parents of a very close friend that we recently lost to cancer.  We laughed at some of the memories and cried as we shared how much we miss him.  This beautiful couple that are in their senior years spoke of how much they'd like to build relationships with their grandchildren still.

I came home and enjoyed a glorious sunset on my balcony and then spent an hour watching various fireworks going off throughout the city.  All the while pondering how each day God gives us is a reason for celebration, whether it be tears of joy or sadness life is made richer by the people we share the experiences with.

I will continue to invest my life into the people God brings across my path and store my treasures in heaven. 

This says it all as 2011 winds down and I prepare for a New Year full of adventure, trials and overcoming!

Confidence - Believing in yourself

As a parent of five incredible kid-adults I am reminded regularly how tough it is being a teenager. In the past few weeks I've witnessed my oldest daughter share her testimony during her baptism, her and her husband purchase their first house, my son's soccer team loose in the final game and my other son's volleyball team win an important tournament. All those events caused me to watch and listen to the people around each arena.

Watching teenage boys participate in their favourite sports and interacting with other parents is a privilege. While neither are the stars of their teams they both contribute their best. They set the example of good sportsmanship and cheer on their teammates. The soccer team has struggled with a few players lack of self-control to the detriment of the entire teams' performance and yet a few boys kept encouraging them towards a better attitude. The volleyball team on the other hand, has such camaraderie that the entire bench stood together, arms around each others necks cheering on the starters!

My daughter and son-in-law have walked out their first two years of marriage very well and grown together. Spending a weekend with them, observing them leading Jr. High youth at their church (and yes I joined in and played dodge ball) it struck me how mature they are and what great examples they set. They purchased their first home, with confidence. She shared some of her expectations, struggles, and victory in front of her new church family and showed how real she is. I am very thankful for her authenticity and commitment to personal growth.

I am reflective of these events because we had a sermon today on parent/teenager relationships and on both sides of the equation it was about love, respect and responsibility. As we strive to raise children to become positive, contributing members of society, we must first look at the example we set and be real enough to admit that we have dreams, struggles, and victories too! We are put in families/communities to help each other learn about ourselves and become who we are meant to be.

Witnessing my eldest daughter's baptism reminded me that all the driving, cheering at sporting events, discussions and late nights were worth every bit of effort and the rewards are eternal!

Enjoy this video:

Believe God for Great Things

With God all things are possible by The Vine.

Matthew 19:26 NIV
The poet wrote, "Beware of those who stand aloof, and greet each venture with reproof. The world would stop if things were run, by those who say, 'It can't be done.'" Refuse to let the word 'impossible' stop you. Jesus said, "With God all things are possible." If those who've changed the world had left every 'impossible' task undone, we'd still be living in the Dark Ages. Here are four examples:

1) German experts predicted that trains travelling at 25 mph would cause severe nose bleeds and the passengers would suffocate going through tunnels. American experts added that we'd need more mental institutions because people would go mad when they saw the first trains.

2) When the YWCA first announced typing classes for women, there was a furious backlash on the grounds that the 'female constitution would deteriorate under such strain.'

3) Experts insisted that iron ships would never float, that the iron would wreak havoc with the compass readings.

4) In 1797, New Jersey farmers denounced the first cast-iron plough, insisting it would poison the land and stimulate weeds. So much for 'experts!'

More of us are persuaded into believing for too little than believing for too much. Vision is essential for survival. And a God-given vision is conceived by faith, sustained by prayer and fuelled by God's Word. It's not about what you can do, but what God can do with your life when it's fully surrendered to Him. It encompasses things outside the realm of the predictable, the safe, and the expected. "Where there is no vision, the people perish" (Proverbs 29:18 AMP). If God has given you a vision; pursue it, and believe Him for great things!

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Daily Encounter: Winners Vs. Losers for Thursday, July 9, 2009

Winners Vs. Losers

"According to your faith will it be done to you."1

A winner sees an opportunity in every risk while a loser sees a risk in every opportunity. Winners know that to risk nothing is to risk everything. They know that if they are going to win, they have to be willing to try, to take chances, and to risk failure. They have to be willing to strike out if they are going to hit home runs.

The year Babe Ruth broke the world record for hitting the most home runs in baseball he also broke the world's record for the most strikeouts!

The point is if I am going to hit home runs, I have to be in the game, stand at the plate and keep swinging. Sooner or later, if I practice hard and do my best, I will hit a home run.

As somebody else has said, "To try when there is little hope is to risk failure. Not to try at all is to guarantee it."

Some people think that success comes to those who are lucky. Luck, if you want to call it that, comes when preparation meets opportunity.

True winners make sure their goals are in harmony with God's will and because of this, know that with his help there is a way to achieve them. Furthermore, they believe in their cause and they believe in themselves in a healthy way. They know that God never calls or expects anyone to do anything that can't be done. Therefore, they expect to win and believe they will—and work hard to make it happen. They know that "the only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary."

They also know that if they tried and did their best already they have won.

1. Jesus in Matthew 9:29 (NIV).

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Reflecting on Heroes

It's been a crazy few months for me. I've probably said that a few hundred times in my life. It's interesting how we wear the badge of "Busy" like it's something to be proud of. What would it sound like if instead we were saying I am "in pursuit" of our Dreams? Wouldn't that inspire others?

I have been extremely active in pursuit of my destiny!

I owe a debt of gratitude to the Heroes in my life. Those awesome individuals that chose to speak into my life. Those words and actions of the Balcony people have allowed me to hang on during the tough times and know who I want to call in the great times to celebrate with!

Here is a shout out to:

Irene Crann (my Mom), she was the one who taught me that the sky is the limit! When the Drama coaches in grade 6 told me that I couldn't sing and shouldn't tryout again for a part in the musical. My Mom let me cry it out and said "what can you do instead to be a part of the play?"
I sold Ads door to door and won an award for the most money raised to support the play. Numerous times in my life my Mom has given me a fresh perspective to see a solution rather than focus on the challenges. Its all about perseverance, right Mom?

Mrs. Hearn (grade 7 teacher), she saw the potential in me, right through the cloud of bad attitude I was portraying. She wouldn't accept less than my best. One grade with this incredible teacher and I won an award for the "Most improved Student".

Frank Rose (my Grandfather), although he lived 1,300 miles away, he started visiting us here in Ontario just when I needed the guidance the most. Moving a 13 year old from the City to the Country is a challenge. My grandfather taught me Who to rely on, Who is unchanging, Who will never leave me nor Forsake me. He led me to my life of Faith.

James Dobson (Focus on the Family), from the day I became a parent I realized how ill-prepared I was to teach this beautiful child all that they needed to know. I am a fact-finder by nature so researching I did! I found the Focus on the Family Ministry to provide me with incredible resources that helped me parent. I believe motherhood is a privilege and shaping a persons life is the most important thing I will ever do in this life!

Joanne Paas (kids grade 1 teacher), this absolutely gentle loving teacher stopped me in my tracks with her positive speech. She blesses each child that walks through her door with the gift of knowing they are uniquely designed and very special! What a privilege to have her teach my children and more so their Mom! The lessons were life-changing.

Joyce Meyer (Bible teacher), I don't remember the day but I do remember the feeling. The first time I heard this woman speak I was shocked that she was saying what I thought. Finally, I'm not crazy, there are others that see things so straight. I've been called a purest and I am. My children grew up knowing that a day that started with me having my "Joyce" time was much better than when I didn't.

Steve Brown (Pastor), he was on the radio every morning as I drove the kids to school. Coming from an Anglican background to a Christian Reformed church at 21 I learned an awful lot from his straight forward teaching. He specifically taught me about GRACE!

James MacDonald (Pastor), his teaching is some of the best in the world. There is no nonsense with James. He tells it like it is and challenges us to stand for the truth as well. There have been numerous times when I've needed to re listen to one of his messages to strengthen my walk.

Kevin DeRaaf (Pastor), he speaks the truth in the most gentle fashion. He nicely challenged my thinking and redirected my path on many occasions. His commitment to speaking the truth in love will change many lives.

Kimberley Coles (Business Leader), this amazing lady has set the example of a Woman of Excellence in Business, Marriage and family. She's the real deal! She works tirelessly, serving others and taking care of her family. She embodies leading from the front!

Garry Coles (Business Leader), this fantastic man has stood with his wife and made some very tough decisions that were totally principle based that will forever cause me to follow their lead. He has spoken into my life at the most crucial times with a word of encouragement. He's never stopped believing in me.

Jordan Streutker (teenager), oh...our story is so fantastic. Our journey is definitely one of the highlights of my life. I only look forward to the movie some day so that we can share what can happen when two people's lives cross paths and God is allowed to lead. A shout out to your parents (Clarence & Sandra Streutker) because their role was equally as important in this story of stories.

John Maxwell (Author...), when I began my own business I started listening to and reading materials from John Maxwell. He gets it! He teaches it! He lives it! What more can I say...I share the same passion for Personal and Professional Development that this prolific Author, Pastor, and Business Leader does.

David Courey (Pastor), what an incredibly gifted Bible teacher. I can't wait to get to church to hear the next message. Being led to your Church was another turning point in my life for which I am extremely thankful.

Jody & Kathy Victor (Business Leaders), there are not words to describe this couple for me. I know of no other couple on this planet that have given more of themselves for a worthwhile cause than these two and their family. The responsibility and respect they show the opportunity they've been give to lead so many people is awe inspiring.

Jessica (& Justin), Sarah, Nicole, Mitchell and Scott (my kids), here comes the tears....you are my reason to continue to fight the good fight of growing, changing and becoming all I'm meant to be, because I know you are watching. You are my heroes because you've had to walk along side me through some tough times and each of you grew because of it. You chose not to become victims but to be Victors and that you are! You will accomplish much for God!

Each of these people have impacted my life with their words and deeds. We all need perspective at times to ensure we don't stray too far from the path we are intended to follow. I thank each and every one of you for influencing and inspiring me.

We are each given the same number of hours in a day....let's not waste them. I implore you to pursue your God given vision with total abandon, for there is no better way to live this life. I know my busyness has caused me to miss out on some of life's little moments but here's to pursuing the BIG dream - Freedom!

Go ahead and Celebrate Your Gifts...I dare you!